Romans 15: 13
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him,
so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Joy? Peace? Hope?
Those things sound wonderful. Unfortunately when you have a chronic illness or a long-term situation, it’s so easy to lose them. Instead of focusing on God and his goodness, we begin to focus on our troubles. Before we know it, we are thick in the throes of discouragement. If discouragement continues it leads us into a darkness.
That’s where I am right now–in the darkness of discouragement.
But I’ve been telling myself that it’s normal to feel discouraged at the moment. I’ve spent more than four years dealing with my brain tumors when the doctors told me it would only take two years. I’m in the middle of my third round of chemotherapy to try to save what’s left of my hearing–which isn’t much.
It feels horrible! But I realized something yesterday. I’ve set myself up to feel that way. I’ve been telling people that feeling this bad is part of the process and that when the chemo is over I can start to regain my strength, my health, my peace and my joy.
Proverbs 23: 7 (NKJV) tells us “For as he thinks in his heart so is he.” Wow–talk about setting myself up to feel bad! That’s exactly what I’ve done. I’ve been telling myself and everyone else that feeling bad is part of the process, something to be endured and then overcome it later.
That doesn’t sound like me having much faith in God, his love or his power! Instead that sounds a lot more like me believing Satan’s lies that God doesn’t have the power or at the very least he won’t use it on pitiful little me because I’m not worthy.
In the darkness, we lose our way along with our joy and peace and hope. So how do we get out of that darkness when we’ve lost all sense of direction? We must turn our eyes to our Savior. As we draw near to him, the light will begin to shine. The more light, the easier it is to find our way back to the joy, the peace, and the hope that God promises to each of his children in spite of our circumstances.
That’s what I want! I may still have to endure the side effects of the chemo, but I don’t have to endure the the hopelessness of losing my peace and joy because God is with me always.