Romans 7: 15
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.
In 2012 I was diagnosed with bilateral brain tumors. The good news was that they were benign. So no big deal, right? Wrong! Benign has two different meanings. One meaning non-cancerous and two meaning harmless. My tumors were non-cancerous but there was nothing harmless about them.
And I definitely didn’t want to deal with it but I had no choice.
The choice I had was how was I going to deal with it. With anger? Self-pity? Bitterness? Or would I choose to face this adversity in a godly way?
Something I’ve been thinking about lately is our choices. As Paul said in Romans 7: 15, the things he wants to do, he doesn’t; and the things he doesn’t want to do, he does. We’re all like that.
We’re all spiritual beings but we’re also a physical being. Our physical self doesn’t necessarily want the same thing our spiritual self wants. In fact, most of the time they are at war with each other. That’s the source of much of our conflict.
Anyway…I’ve been meditating on how once we know something spiritually we can’t go back and “unknow” it. We might be able to ignore it for a time, but in our heart we know what we need to do because of God’s truth inside us.
Think of it like a baby learning to walk. First they scoot around on their rear end. It’s slow but it’s better than not moving. Then they discover crawling on their hands and knees. Much faster, but it might be a little uncomfortable at first so they revert back to the scooting.
But not for long.
They deal with the uncomfortable in order to move faster. Then they discover standing and walking. Much better but, again, uncomfortable at first so back to crawling.
But again not for long.
Our spiritual walk is much the same. In fact, that could be why they call it a spiritual walk. Once we understand a spiritual truth, we might be uncomfortable for a time living that truth. But it also speeds up our journey.
That’s the choice we face again and again on our walk with God.
Stay comfortable or speed up the journey.
I was faced wtih that choice when my brain tumors were diagnosed. Actually, I made more than a choice. I made a commitment that I would do my best to keep my eyes on Jesus and not on the brain tumors.
The following two and a half years have been filled with doctor’s appointments; treatments; side effects—some very serious and permanent; more physical pain than I’ve ever experienced or ever wanted to experience. It hasn’t been easy but God has brought me through it. Not only brought me through it, but gave me peace and joy along the way.